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Thursday, 1 August 2013

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

As many if you know, gentle readers, I both home school and run a home daycare.  So there are always little ones in my house.  And when little ones band together in a tribe (that's what I call any group of three or more kids) they usually start doing some nutty things.  Even when its only my two kids, they often seem to be running in a world of upside down logic!

So yesterday, in catching myself asking a child  "Please, do not lick the fireplace.  I don't want to have to ask you again."  I realized that was something I would have never dreamed I would say before I had children.  Which led me to reflect on other strange and nutty things I have found myself uttering over the last almost five years of motherhood.  

Here for your reading enjoyment is a list of Things I Never Thought I Would Say (but have actually had to):

- "Putting our fingers in someone's eyes is not a greeting."

- "... Because its not polite to answer the door naked.... No, wearing one sock is not the same thing as being dressed."

- "Stop licking the pew."

- "We don't eat ANY of the gum we find. Even if it was stuck to a "clean" chair."

- "Superman does get cold.  You can wear your cape, but you have to wear your coat too."

- "Hooray!! You pooped!" (100% serious here.  If you're a parent you know where I am coming from!)

- "No, you cannot "try and see" if you can breathe underwater."

- "It doesn't matter if you say you don't care about gravity- it still applies."

- "Home decorating magazines are not called Lady Comics" (although, for the record, I don't think its a bad idea...)

- "What's the rule here, guys? Who can tell me? That's right! Hands out of pants at the table! So everyone, show me your hands...."

- "Fingers out of [insert body orifice name here]" 

- "You can wear it, honey.  But it doesn't really work like that- a band aid on your forehead doesn't really help a headache...."

- "Nothing smaller than your elbow should go in your ear!!" (My dad said this to us growing up all the time, and I found myself repeating it... suddenly it was wisdom)

-"Yes, you did put on your undies.  Thank you.  Lets put them on our bottom now....."

- "How would you like it if I peed on you?" 

- "The baby is not playing horsie. She is learning to crawl.  Get off her."

-"Trains are not weapons and will not be used as such in this house!"

- "I know you made it.  But you can't keep it- its poop!"

- "I'm glad you have confidence, but grocery store oranges are not how we learn to juggle"

- "Stop chewing on the Christmas tree"

- "And now you know that all the paint colors taste the same.... lets call this a learning moment."

- "I understand you asked for it, but I don't have crunchy yogurt!"

I am sure as days go on I will think of many more strange and funny things I have said that I wish I had added to this list.  But for now, I hope its brought a smile to your day.
I would love to hear some of the wacky things you have said to your kids!
Happy Thursday everyone!


  1. Best. Post. Ever!

  2. This was hilarious - I actually found myself laughing out loud - thanks, I needed the chuckle! :)

  3. Oh my goodness, this was too funny! I find myself saying many things I in life that I never would have thought! On a side note, are you now home schooling your kids? I know that Walter used to me at school with my son, Nickolas, and then I noticed that he was gone!

  4. I do home school Walter! My daughter is not yet two, so we have not started any "formal" schooling with her yet.
    We loved the school and the teachers that Walter had. When we thought about home school, though, it just felt like a great fit with me already working from home. It has been extremely successful thus far and we will be continuing with it until we feel it no longer works. :)